One Bad-A Mother

Look y'all. My four year old is going to be the death of me. She literally needs 18 activities before I down one cup of coffee. Somehow, Saturday morning by 8am, we ended up with a green bundt cake in the oven and a batch of gray icing. And we all know how that ends...

I love my daughter dearly, but the struggle bus has pulled into our driveway and does not look like it's leaving anytime soon. She moves at the speed of a sloth OR barrels through the room like a road runner. There is no in-between, so mornings are quite the challenge. Along with her blossoming personality.

We barely survived Saturday, and made it though church Sunday morning with minimal "Norah, stop. Norah, walk. Norah, watch out!" moments. During our afternoon errands {because we needed on the go activities to keep her entertained} she decided she is ready to push a full size shopping cart. LAWD HELP ME. Luckily the store we were at was not crowded in the least bit, with just a few tight squeezes for her to maneuver. Anytime I corrected her, I was being "rude"...cue the huge eye roll and add about 50 emoji's after it.

But, pushing on, I kept my "Helen knows the owner face" and we made it through the store. **This face will come in handy later**

Our next errand was the grocery store. Yes. Dumb. Hitting up the grocery store on the Sunday afternoon before school starts. Whatever. The kid had some jelly beans and was content at the moment.

The aisles at this store are crazy tight. Like 2 carts and done. People are not moving anywhere. Once again, my assertive little Boo decides she wants to push the cart. Deep breathe. "Boo watch out. Boo don't climb up there. Sweetie, walking feet with the cart." And about 5 more of those as we close out on the first aisle.

Then comes THE MOTHER. People are trying to get through and our cart, plus my darling child is blocking the aisle. So, with having about enough over the past 48 hours, I grab her hand and say "Boo, get out of the way!" {For the record, there was no yelling. It was what I like to call the "mom voice"...low and controlled so they know you mean business.} THE MOTHER looks right at me and says "She is NOT in the way. She is behaving so nicely! She's fine!"

 I about dropped whatever was in my hand, stared for a few seconds, and then gave her the BIGGEST, BRIGHTEST, HELEN YOU KNOW THE OWNER FACE. Proceed and get out of the chip aisle.

Um, Ma'am? Why are you Mom shaming me? In a crowded aisle? At the grocery store? When you have NO IDEA this is the 50th time I have redirected my daughters behavior. Are we not supposed to stick together? My daughter was in NO danger. Maybe in danger of only getting to choose 1 type of cookie instead of 2! And YOU decide to give me your opinion right there. When you can 100% see all over my face I am struggling. 

I still consider myself a new Mom. Each month, week and day bring new behaviors, joys and struggles that I pray to get through with support from my friends and family. SUPPORT. Not judgement, from a stranger, during a weak moment. I am the queen of letting it eat me up inside. I feel like a failure because my daughter, at age 4, still throws knock-down-drag-out tantrums and it is beyond embarrassing. The best part? It is usually only for me. #ripmyheartout

Please don't judge me. Please don't tell me your opinion unless I come to you in confidence. Please show me grace as I am learning what works best with my beautiful daughter. Please just pat me on the back and tell me it will someday get better and that you are there for me. With coffee. And wine.  Please. I am begging you. {Usually with sweaty lip, screaming toddler on my hip and visions of booze in my near future.}

Pray for me. Pray for all of the struggling BAD-A Mother's who do EVERYTHING for their kids, and still feel like a load of crap at the end of rough days. Pray that we all see the beauty and humor in this someday, and know that HIS grace is all we need.

Marmee, I don't know how you did it with the Three Stooges, but Glory be to God! I am forever grateful for everything you did and still do for us! Amen, Hallelujah to the Lord, you are AMAZING.

And for the record, she was in the way, she was not behaving nicely and things were not fine. At the moment.

The Struggle IS Real.

Driving in the car Saturday morning. Alone. Fresh 

coffee. 

Headed to my Mother's Day mani/pedi morning-o-fun. 

One could say I was beyond giddy.

A song comes on the radio and absolutely blew me 

away. Hearing the words 

I don’t wanna think / I may never understand / That my 

broken heart is a part of your plan / When I try to pray / 

All I’ve got is hurt and these four words...Thy will be done

I think of that often. Not just for myself, but for so many other 

people going through so much worse than my "crappy day" 

or "my hair just not doing right." {Which sometimes it doesn’t 

and drives me bat crazy.} My heart tugs at me about so 

many issues that are going on with people I love. Will I ever 

understand? Will all of this make sense, ever? Why is 

breaking hearts and testing faith to the upmost max part of 

his plan? With my mind racing through every situation I have 

been praying about, I continue to replay the song. All friggin’ 

day.

Thoughts:

Sucky crap-o-la. Sometimes things really do just SUCK. 

Sometimes I want to yell, throw crap at the wall (or 

someone), curse (shocking), shout out to the heavens “Why, 

Lord Jesus, Why?! Why this family? Why that person? Why 

are my prayers so angry or to the extreme opposite, so 

WEAK? How can I look someone in the eye and tell them 

this will make sense someday, when I replay those moments 

in my head, and they never will? Why and how, Lord?”

Then….this…

Sometimes I gotta stop / Remember that you’re God / And I 

am not / So …Thy will be done.

Whoa Nelly. Fix my eyes on Jesus much? NOT my plans, 

HIS. 

His timing, His plans, His will. It will be done.  

The song 

continues…

I know you see me / I know you hear me, Lord / Your plans 

are for me / Goodness you have in store.

 He promised. He promised he has plans for me and all of 

the people that are suffering around me. As much as it hurts 

now, for anyone struggling, push your 

faith. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I know, the 

struggle IS REAL. 

I struggle daily with the "whys" and "hows", doubts, faith, 

emotions. And you know what? So do the people I love, the 

ones I like and those that are on 

my "meh" list. I pray for ALL of them (even the "meh"s) and 

for myself. #selfishmuch 

He sees me and He hears me. So I will continue, 

even when I am angry, weak and wonder why my broken 

heart is a part of his plan. 

Listen to this song. Now. {Linked}

Maybe have some wine and a few tissues 

around. Maybe a lot of both. 

Imma Pray for You

I’m so friggin’ tired. Physically and Emotionally, usually leaving Spiritually last….which sucks. A few months ago at my MOPS group,  I asked the ladies what time of day to they pray. Because here is how mine goes…

I get into bed. Well, actually, MELT into bed as all people do after saving the world 3 times that day. A little Ron Clark reading, a little {ok, A LOT} of Netflix, a little Jesus talking…then BOOM. Sleep. Not one minute into my prayers, I am zonked out, forgetting everything important I wanted to pray for that day. *And sometimes for the horrible, rotten, awful things that go through my head/come out of my mouth when people are being annoying* #forgivemeJesus #andthewordsthatalmostcameoutofmymouth #andthecussing #somuchcussing

Waking up at 2am, I realize what I’ve done and I am 99% positive the next morning when I wake up, I will have nothing because I didn’t thank the Lord for it the night before. My healthy baby girl, The Husband, My Family, My Job, My House, My Car, My Friends and so on….seriously, I need to pray all night thanking him! I feel guilty for the people on my prayer list that I continually need to pray for...and then I. Fall. Asleep. #loser 

And this is why I LOVE my MOPS group: “Sarah, it happens to us too! We are all TIRED MAMA’S!” Their answers:

-I pray in the car.

-I pray in the bathroom, when I get to go alone. #lucky

-I pray in the shower.

-I pray while I’m cooking dinner or doing the dishes.

Well, I'll be. I have been beating myself up because I can’t physically make it through my “bedtime prayer” when heck, HELLO, pray at another time in another place! Le Duh. (It’s French for “Duh” via my BFF Courtney.)

HE knows I am tired. HE knows I am thankful. HE knows my prayer list because it's  running through my head all day and my prayer concerns are written down. {This 100% makes me more accountable for specific requests! Try it! There are more than you realize!} HE is the ALMIGHTY and HE knows. The Lord hears me, whatever time of day I pray: morning, noon and afternoon ;) And at night...I've covered all of my bases. 

So, I’ve been praying every chance I get BEFORE I melt into bed….coffee and prayer, yes please! Pray while I am walking something to the office/filling up my water bottle;  Pray at lunch. (Believe me, I need it by then!) Pray and do the dishes while The Husband gives The Babe a bath; I will bust it out where ever and whenever! I think I was so focused on a “bedtime prayer” because, well, that’s what I have always done.  It was "normal" to me...but most of us know, I am ANYTHING but normal. I want to choose to be AMAZING...and a bit crazy.  

 If you are struggling with your "Thank You Jesus" moments at night, or even your quiet time with him during the day, switch it up! Some people get up bat crazy early (too early for this Mama) and others kick in their car on their commute to or from work. All He CARES about is that you DO IT! Because, for real....it works. I also want to invite you to email or message me with specific prayer requests! I am a prayer warrior and I would love to add you to my list, because...Imma Pray for YOU, and I hope you will pray for me too. ;) {sarahpink.gibson@gmail.com} 

To My Little Sister, On Her Birthday, With Love

To My Sweet Lindsey Kay, 

It’s always fun to explain our relationship when I tell a story about you, which is quite often…

“Sorry, I can’t. My little sister has cheerleading tryouts for the next 10 years.” #beerme

“My little sister got into BAYLOR!” #yassssBears

“My little sister is spending a semester in Spain/Spring Break at Gulf Shores/New Year’s in Chicago/going on another cruise, because that’s fair.” #ohyouknowtheownermrsinglesias

“My little sister called me last night, informing me she decided was going to AFRICA.” #smallpotatoes

And the response, “I didn’t know you had a little sister!”

“Well I do! God gave me her to look after.”  {He’s a pretty big deal, so I have NEVER taken this job lightly.}

No, we don’t have the same parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles or cousins.  God knew what he was doing when your family moved in next door 22 years ago.  I can’t even name the number of times we begged Dean to ship Lance off to my house so we could move into his room and share bunk beds, because, well, we are sisters, and we’ve known it forever.

The memories we share melt my heart. From our infinite amount of trips to TC Shaved iced, too many pizza rolls to count and about the whole Golden Girls thing, yea, I probably shouldn’t have let you watch that so young. {Along with Austin Powers and Jerry McGuire….and I still pay for those moments!}  Hey, you ended up quite a catch with a very colorful vocabulary.  #goals #hashtagsfordayyyysss

I could not survive without you. Who would tell me which Netflix series to watch next? (I shamefully will NOT admit how many series I have made it through with your support.) Who would only have conversations with quotes from  Parks and Rec/Friends/Bridesmaids? (And get it!) Who would I text after happy hour when I need a little dose of the college life? #shenanigans Nobody gets “us” like we get “us”…it’s our own secret love language…and after enough wine, it sounds like another language. 

The past few months have beyond sucked. #colorfulvocab 

I feel overprotective. I want to shield you from all of the evils of the world. I want to tell you everything is going to be ok, even though I don’t know it will be. I want you to move home, climb inside a bubble and live in my pocket. Forever.  {This plan 100% makes sense in my head.} But, sigh, I know this isn’t a reality. You, my darling, were not meant to be tamed by any means!

I am so proud of you. Insanely proud of you! From the bottom of my heart and with every ounce of my soul, so proud. You are the strongest, most ambitious young woman I know. {Along with the most adventurous, which sometimes causes me to call and yell at you for a few minutes, but I will get over that….someday.} #skydivingseriously

God has big plans for you Little Missy. Huge. Major. I can’t even wrap my head around it. I pray for you and the family daily. I pray for God to fill your heart with the love that surrounds you. I pray that he gives you the strength to get out of bed every day, ready to face the world with no fear. I pray that you feel your sweet Mama’s presence wherever you go and that you live a life to honor her. You are making her so proud. She’s here and will be watching over you all the days of your life. I believe that with all of my heart.

Keep pushing on little sister. He is within you, and you will not fall.

I love you forever and beyond.  Happy 22nd Birthday! 

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